Waking up that morning was supposed to be normal
I wasn’t expecting the conversation to be so formal
Your brother is dead, he shot himself last night
What? Are you kidding me? I asked as I squinted in the light
I sat in silence for I don’t know how long
Was this just a dream? Did I hear them wrong?
The next few hours were just a blur
Until I saw my brother’s son looking so sweet and pure
He was only three and didn’t have a clue
But I lost it when I saw him right out of the blue.
I couldn’t stop crying, I was falling apart
I didn’t say a word; I didn’t know where to start
My brain went numb and I just went through the motion
I had a baby to protect from the commotion
She would never get to know her uncle Brian
But maybe it will save her a lot of cryin
He was such a good person that took a wrong road
I wish I could have helped to lighten his load.
Suicide leaves family with a lot of guilt and sadness
It takes forever to get through the madness.
I have two more brothers that are still alive
I pray for them so they can thrive
My heart goes out to my mother
She lost her son, a pain like no other.
Time will heal all wounds they say
It has been twenty-one years and it still feels like yesterday
All of the feelings are not front and center driving me mad
But they are always there and they always make me sad.
I remember the good things about him and how he made me laugh a lot
When I am sad I look back at those happy memories and they really hit the spot.
So during the day when you’re feeling down
Think of the best times with your loved one and laugh like a clown!
It is good you can write about it, I felt your pain and loss. I lost a brother too and believe it is better to talk about it than keep it bottled up inside. We may be able to help others with our words Angela. Thank you for being so brave and sharing this, when the subject of how I lost my brother arises (through suicide and depression) it always astounds me how many people admit they have similar experiences, yet they won’t mention it until I do. One thing I have learned is never take it lightly if someone is sad or depressed.
It is better to talk about it. Writing is a great form of therapy, but talking really helps to heal your heart. Thank you, and you are right, it should never be taken lightly!!
Beautiful and powerful poem. You’re very strong for being able to write or speak about something like this.
Thank you. It is great therapy!! :-)
It certainly is. I wish more people spoke of such things instead of bottling them up.
Me too!! I am trying to promote just that on my other blog. It takes time.
I’m not a poet, and honestly I dislike poetry for the most part, so I can’t comment on the finer points of your poem, but I can say that I can relate to the feelings behind the words. When I was 16 I attempted suicide, and much like I imagine you felt my family and friends were taken by complete and utter surprise. It’s sort of frightening and sad to say, but from the point of view of the suicider, it feels like we’re screaming at the top of our lungs when we reach that point in our emotions – yet no one notices. Those closest to us are usually the last ones to suspect. I’m not sure why it works out that way, and it’s a tragedy that it does. Anyways, speaking from this side of the gap, I can say that your brother would be proud of you expressing your feelings in a way that may touch other people.
Thank you. You are right about all of it. The ones closest are usually in denial. I am so happy that you shared your side and I am very glad that you are still here to do that.
Believe me, so am I!